Real Talk Mothering

It’s true, the twos are terrible - absolutely maddening, frustrating, and infuriating.   The twos are also terrific - absolutely astounding, delightful, and magical.   Parenthood is full of paradoxes. This is not a new topic, just my take on it.   My toddler will be 3 in a couple months. She is a tornado of paradoxes. Let's start with the negatives, though I've read that what's frustrating to us is just a natural and usually healthy developmental process of them exploring the world, understanding themselves, and testing boundaries.  But still, these are things she does that drive me insane. Some of these I'm not sure if it's a common toddler thing or her specific personality.  Irrational  - She refuses to do things right after she tells us she needs to (pee, eat, etc.). Defiant  - She'll give a super high pitched screech when she doesn't want to do something, sometimes waking the baby. And her default answer to any question is a loud "No!" Slow ...

I had a big “aha!” moment recently. I’ve been feeling miserable parenting my newborn and toddler, mad that everything was so hard and I wasn’t enjoying this stage that everyone makes look idyllic on social media. I couldn’t figure out why I wasn’t experiencing more joy!   My kids are beautiful and healthy, my husband and I are relatively young and healthy, he’s employed, we have a nice comfortable home, supportive friends and family (though the latter are far away), and testimonies of the gospel of Jesus Christ!   Things look great from the outside, why aren’t I happy?   Then it hit me. As Taylor Swift says, “It's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me.”   It’s my MOOD RIGIDITY.   Meaning when I get in a bad mood because something didn’t go my way, I tend to stay in that mood for hours or even a whole day.   But the thing about raising young kids (and maybe older kids too, I don’t know yet) is good/bad/hard things fluctuate quite frequently throughout the day! Fo...

I know this is a short unique period in my life (even though it feels like it's dragging on forever because it can be so hard and exhausting) so I thought I'd record some parts of this experience, many of them sacrifices I will not miss!  Never sleeping in. Planning my whole day around afternoon nap time so I can nap while my kids do.  Always scarfing down my food because there are a bunch of things I need to or would rather be doing, and my food gets cold because I have to get up from the table half a dozen times each meal to get stuff for my kids so sometimes it’s easier just to eat standing up at the counter. Rarely finishing a sit-down dinner with my husband and toddler because I usually have to get up to feed the baby.  Really simplifying my to-do list everyday to the ultimate basics so I can spend as much time playing and reading with my kids as I can.  Doing laundry almost every other day because the baby is always spitting up, peeing, or pooping on their clot...

I've found that even with a supportive husband who is very hands-on with the kids and housework, and a helpful community of friends (we don't live near family), most of the time I'm left parenting by myself and I can't do it well enough. I'm often too exasperated, exhausted (still getting up 3-5 times a night to breastfeed the newborn), frustrated, impatient, and plain stuck to find solutions to the problems and questions that arise like... How do I get my toddler to stop peeing her pants randomly when she can hold it most of the time?  How do I keep from becoming engorged with breastmilk without resorting to the electric pump I hate using?  How do I coordinate my children's nap times so I can continue to get a nap everyday?  How do I stay calm during my toddler's tantrums?  Which sources of parenting advice should I turn to?  What are the essential activities of each day I should prioritize?  How do I maintain a close connection with my husband amidst pare...

Life has been really hard and unenjoyable this year, starting in 3rd trimester through birth and up until now - the 4th trimester.  My life has never been so simple yet so difficult. Caring for a newborn - really hard.  Caring for a toddler - really really hard.  Caring for both a newborn and a toddler - triple super duper hard.  Social media has warped my expectations. Everyone posts about the bliss of a new baby and how cute it is when the older sibling first sees them, but nobody posts about how hard it is! Well, as the name of this blog suggests, I am here to give real talk about how freakin' hard it is because I realize that much of my discontent and unhappiness right now comes from my expectations and desire to feel more joy in this period, but I feel alot of misery.  Everything is so hard. I am so tired, so frustrated, so overwhelmed.  I miss the comfortable balance I'd worked so hard to achieve for 2.5 years to meet my firstborn child's needs, my ne...