The Secret to Enjoying Parenting (Getting Out of My Own Way)

I had a big “aha!” moment recently. I’ve been feeling miserable parenting my newborn and toddler, mad that everything was so hard and I wasn’t enjoying this stage that everyone makes look idyllic on social media. I couldn’t figure out why I wasn’t experiencing more joy! 

My kids are beautiful and healthy, my husband and I are relatively young and healthy, he’s employed, we have a nice comfortable home, supportive friends and family (though the latter are far away), and testimonies of the gospel of Jesus Christ! 


Things look great from the outside, why aren’t I happy? 


Then it hit me. As Taylor Swift says, “It's me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me.” 


It’s my MOOD RIGIDITY. 


Meaning when I get in a bad mood because something didn’t go my way, I tend to stay in that mood for hours or even a whole day. 


But the thing about raising young kids (and maybe older kids too, I don’t know yet) is good/bad/hard things fluctuate quite frequently throughout the day!


For example, I could be snuggling with my children and reading happily when suddenly the baby starts crying and my toddler will throw a fit because she’s hangry. 


Or my toddler could be throwing a 45 minute tantrum and then quickly calm down and laughing at silly words she’s making up. 


Or my baby could be fussing for half an hour and finally fall asleep peacefully while I kiss his luscious cheeks. 


It’s an emotional whiplash multiple times a day!


I’m realizing that the hard stuff is a given - they are guaranteed to happen daily - but there are joyful moments in between too. However, they take more conscious effort to seek out and enjoy. 


Daily hard stuff: 

  • Toddler tantrums (crying, thrashing)
  • Toddler defiance (yelling, screaming)
  • Toddler crankiness (whining, demanding)
  • Toddler potty accidents 
  • Baby crying (Sleepy? Gassy? Hungry?)
  • Breastfeeding (biting, squirting milk, muscle soreness)
  • Exhaustion and irritability from sleep deprivation (getting up to feed 2-4 times a night)
  • Trying to meet baby and toddler’s competing needs when both are loud and my nerves are wearing thin

Nuggets of Joy:

  • Baby smiling/laughing
  • Baby talking 
  • Baby getting stronger muscles and greater mobility 
  • Toddler laughing 
  • Toddler dancing 
  • Toddler being sweet and helpful 
  • Toddler saying and doing funny things 
  • Reading and snuggling with baby and toddler 
  • Baby and toddler sleeping peacefully 
  • Toddler learning something new 
  • Toddler hugs and kisses 

I’m not even listing the joys I feel with my husband, friends, family, and self-care activities. 


Ok so here it is, the single skill I need to start honing in order to enjoy parenting more: 

MOOD AGILITY: the ability to quickly change and readjust from a negative mood to a positive one, or at least neutral calm one. 

I need to get over all the hard struggles faster so I don’t let them blind me to the joys that are to be had, which may come immediately after a hard thing. 


It will feel weird for a while getting used to this. Laughing with my toddler after fuming at her, being irritated with my screaming baby after enjoying his sweet babbling…but I’m determined to get good at this. Because parenting is a long game I signed up for and I don’t want to be miserable for the next 2 decades until they move out of the house. 


I feel more empowered and relieved knowing my experience is mostly up to what’s happening on the inside that’s within my control. 

Comments

  1. BriJune 4, 2024 at 3:13 PM

    LOVE THIS! And preach! I’m right there with you and I will try mood agility with you!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Amy S.June 4, 2024 at 7:06 PM

    I love Susan David’s book Emotional Agility that addresses this concept of mood agility. It’s a great skill to hone over time. I love your thoughts!

    ReplyDelete

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