Real Talk Mothering

Women without kids take so much for granted. I know I did before I had mine. So if you are still child-less, I encourage you to savor these simple pleasures that become rare luxuries as a mom of little kids: Sleeping the whole night - I used to be such a deep sleeper but after breastfeeding both kids through the night for over 6 months each, I sleep much lighter and more restlessly.  Sleeping in - in order to keep the kids' sleep schedules (wake around 7am, sleep around 7:30pm) which I'm pretty strict about because it gives me a predictable schedule and well-rested kids, I have never been able to sleep past 6:30am for 4 years now. Finishing a meal in one sitting - I constantly have to get up to get them things from the pantry, fridge, or counter. Or clean up a mess. Or prevent them from making bigger messes or tipping back their chair. I am usually the last to finish eating, and I was already a slow eater before I had kids! Taking a leisurely shower without rushing - I only sho...

I'm sure this is an age old notion, but it came to me in somewhat of a poetic way one day so I thought it'd be fun to jot it down and share it.  Moms wear many many hats. We have to become master multi-taskers whether we like it or not, whether we are good at it or not - because there is simply too much to do! Here's what I find myself being responsible for while being a SAHM to a 1-yo and 4-yo: [re]Scheduler of appointments  - being on the phone listening to inefficient automated messages and being on hold with a screaming tugging kid in the background.  Registrationer of lessons & classes - looking up the hours, prices, reviews, and locations of swim schools, gymnasiums, dance studios, libraries, play gyms, etc. while glancing back and forth to my calendar and the weather app to see when is the most convenient time to do what.  Wiper of butts, hands, eyes & noses  - going through tons of baby wipes, sanitizing hand wipes, Kleenex, and toilet paper to w...

Lately I’ve been feeling miserable and unhappy with my situation. A long painful conversation with my husband made me realize that I feel stuck and frustrated with the choices I have made. Here’s the kicker: I wouldn’t make any different choices! I feel the choices I have made are the best for me and my family in the long run, I am just really not enjoying it right now. Ever feel that way? I'm thinking of 3 choices in particular... 1) HAVING CHILDREN Having children is a commandment in my religion that I always expected to follow. Whatever preferences I may have had for myself were subsumed under this desire to be obedient to God. From what little I knew about parenthood from friends and the media, it seemed all-consuming. So I had as many adventures as possible before motherhood while passionately investing in my career because I knew I would not be able to do those things while my children are young and living at home. I'm so glad I did! It turns out I don’t enjoy taking care...

This spring, I went through a gradual makeover and I thought it’d be fun to summarize it in writing, if not pictures. Unfortunately, I don’t have time to create elaborate posts with lots of pics cuz I’m a busy tired mom of a 1.5 yo and almost 4 yo. So this will have to do… My gradual makeover had several catalysts: I was tired of having my wardrobe being dictated by breastfeeding. Even though I am still breastfeeding every 2-4 hours during the day, I’m starting to gradually wean him.   The dreaded super hot muggy Texas summer was coming up.   Trends in makeup, clothes, and skincare finally matched what I found flattering and practical.   Finally being able to fit into pre-pregnancy clothes again about 14 months after my baby was born.   Meeting a new friend who loves browsing and shopping.   I realized that my wardrobe no longer suited my lifestyle and stage in life. Most of it was from a decade ago when I was a busy childless professional hustling in the city w...

Motherhood is nothing but a bag of paradoxes, especially of feelings, especially when you're a full-time stay-at-home-mom (SAHM). I struggled with it for a while but am coming to accept that I have to make space to accept all of my feelings simultaneously. As I wrote about in a previous post , parenting provides constant emotional whiplashes.  So, for future reference and current curiosity, I wanted to write down the giant bag of feelings/thoughts I experience on any given day/hour/minute... Resentful  - that my husband is much more free to be away from the kids than I am, even though logically I am the one who chose to exclusively breastfeed and be a stay-at-home-mom. (see my last post ). I can't be away from the baby for more than 2 hours but I'm counting down til when he'll be weaned so I can take an extended break. I breastfed my firstborn til she was 18 months so I have about 10 more months to go if we last that long... Humbled  - Just when I think I've figure...

I was never one of those girls whose biggest wish was to be a mom, who dreamt of full-time homemaking and childrearing. A conversation with a mom friend recently reminded me of my reasons for choosing to being a stay-at-home mom. It's interesting to think about the various scenarios moms find themselves in... (*When I say "work", I mean paid employment by an external party. I believe raising children is the most important and hardest work there is.) Some women must work full-time to help pay for (or be the sole provider) necessities like the mortgage, car payments, utilities, and food. Some women feel some cultural/religious/societal obligation to give up or bypass educational and professional pursuits to focus on raising children. Some women choose to work full-time because they feel happier and more fulfilled doing so. Some women figure out some arrangement of part-time work and part-time childcare by others to try to have the best of both worlds. Some women like me cho...