Real Talk Mothering

I have a love-hate relationship with motherhood, particularly being a full-time stay-at-home mom (SAHM). In case you were curious, here's my feelings divided into 3 lists. WHAT I HATE DOING Meeting competing needs of my 2 kids who are 2.5 years apart (i.e. she loudly wants me to play with her while he needs to quiet down for a nap) When they fight me while I’m trying to take care of them (changing diapers, washing their hands, wiping their noses, tending to scrapes/cuts, putting them to bed) When they are demanding/distracting/clingy while I’m trying to cook (i.e. clinging to my leg while I’m trying to drain the boiling pot of pasta) When they are fickle, especially not eating food I’ve just prepared that they asked for When they argue and are illogical, which is maddening When they cry and melt down because I won’t give them things they can’t play with (i.e. knives) WHAT I DON'T MIND DOING Changing diapers (except when they wiggle and kick and roll over) Giving baths (except w...

I used to be really annoyed by my children's bad behavior or moods but  I've noticed that I am the main factor in determining the interactions and mood in our home, and there are only 2 main directions to go. It's as simple as black or white and self-perpetuating.  The Vicious Cycle My thoughts - You’re annoying me, be quiet, leave me alone, I don’t want to be around you, I don’t like you, you’re being bad My mood - impatient, irritated, exacerbated Their behavior - whining, crying, disobeying, screaming, kicking, running away, talking back The Virtuous Cycle My thoughts - I love you, I like being around you, I want to help you, you’re lovable, I cherish you, you’re a good child, you're just learning and trying to express yourself My mood - curious, helpful, patient Their behavior - cooperative, playful, happy, affectionate, helpful --- Parenting is the ultimate self-improvement project. I have to be really self-aware and intentional in following the virtuous cycle...

Women without kids take so much for granted. I know I did before I had mine. So if you are still child-less, I encourage you to savor these simple pleasures that become rare luxuries as a mom of little kids: Sleeping the whole night - I used to be such a deep sleeper but after breastfeeding both kids through the night for over 6 months each, I sleep much lighter and more restlessly.  Sleeping in - in order to keep the kids' sleep schedules (wake around 7am, sleep around 7:30pm) which I'm pretty strict about because it gives me a predictable schedule and well-rested kids, I have never been able to sleep past 6:30am for 4 years now. Finishing a meal in one sitting - I constantly have to get up to get them things from the pantry, fridge, or counter. Or clean up a mess. Or prevent them from making bigger messes or tipping back their chair. I am usually the last to finish eating, and I was already a slow eater before I had kids! Taking a leisurely shower without rushing - I only sho...

I'm sure this is an age old notion, but it came to me in somewhat of a poetic way one day so I thought it'd be fun to jot it down and share it.  Moms wear many many hats. We have to become master multi-taskers whether we like it or not, whether we are good at it or not - because there is simply too much to do! Here's what I find myself being responsible for while being a SAHM to a 1-yo and 4-yo: [re]Scheduler of appointments  - being on the phone listening to inefficient automated messages and being on hold with a screaming tugging kid in the background.  Registrationer of lessons & classes - looking up the hours, prices, reviews, and locations of swim schools, gymnasiums, dance studios, libraries, play gyms, etc. while glancing back and forth to my calendar and the weather app to see when is the most convenient time to do what.  Wiper of butts, hands, eyes & noses  - going through tons of baby wipes, sanitizing hand wipes, Kleenex, and toilet paper to w...

Lately I’ve been feeling miserable and unhappy with my situation. A long painful conversation with my husband made me realize that I feel stuck and frustrated with the choices I have made. Here’s the kicker: I wouldn’t make any different choices! I feel the choices I have made are the best for me and my family in the long run, I am just really not enjoying it right now. Ever feel that way? I'm thinking of 3 choices in particular... 1) HAVING CHILDREN Having children is a commandment in my religion that I always expected to follow. Whatever preferences I may have had for myself were subsumed under this desire to be obedient to God. From what little I knew about parenthood from friends and the media, it seemed all-consuming. So I had as many adventures as possible before motherhood while passionately investing in my career because I knew I would not be able to do those things while my children are young and living at home. I'm so glad I did! It turns out I don’t enjoy taking care...

This spring, I went through a gradual makeover and I thought it’d be fun to summarize it in writing, if not pictures. Unfortunately, I don’t have time to create elaborate posts with lots of pics cuz I’m a busy tired mom of a 1.5 yo and almost 4 yo. So this will have to do… My gradual makeover had several catalysts: I was tired of having my wardrobe being dictated by breastfeeding. Even though I am still breastfeeding every 2-4 hours during the day, I’m starting to gradually wean him.   The dreaded super hot muggy Texas summer was coming up.   Trends in makeup, clothes, and skincare finally matched what I found flattering and practical.   Finally being able to fit into pre-pregnancy clothes again about 14 months after my baby was born.   Meeting a new friend who loves browsing and shopping.   I realized that my wardrobe no longer suited my lifestyle and stage in life. Most of it was from a decade ago when I was a busy childless professional hustling in the city w...